JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
