Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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