i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
