I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
