I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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