every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
