i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
