people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
