my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
