i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
