my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
