Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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