i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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