Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's blow job season.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
