I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize