My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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