It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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