I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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