I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
