Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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