I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
