I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
