I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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