well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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