We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
