Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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