Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
