K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So much Jack, so little girl.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
