Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
