just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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