Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize