D3 body, D1 cock
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
