she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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