If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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