I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize