You really coming over, don't trick.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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