I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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