The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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