She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
