We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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