You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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