we have officially lost it.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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