she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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