Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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