ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
