it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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