I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
