Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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