Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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