i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
