I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
