if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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