Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
