Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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