I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
