I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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