I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
