hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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