She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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