Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
