Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize