I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
