You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
