I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Randomize
