I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
