Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
