I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
