I wanna passion pit in your ass
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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