my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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