Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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