I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
