Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
