My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
