dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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