the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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