why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
