Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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