i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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