i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
