Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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