youre lurking in front of me
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
