Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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