I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
