did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
