It was confusing and full of hummus
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
