i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
