Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
