I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
