My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
