all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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