I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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