I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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