Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
