I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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