we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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