it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
As shirtless as possible
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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